My Son Is On The Move AND Not Eating!

Finally! Landon has embraced crawling and now he is standing ! I was getting so worried. All of my friends which have babies (the same age or younger) are already walking! What The????? So here we go with the needless stress and worry of why isn’t he even trying. Why doesn’t he want to? Is he lacking in developmental milestones? Is this my fault? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we compare babies and why do we as mothers just sit and put ourselves down all the time? Yes, I want my baby to walk like your baby does. I want my son to eat just like your baby eats but guess what? He’s doing things on his own time. For a few days he wouldn’t eat and just wanted his bottle. For a few days I cried thinking to myself that he is going to bed without having eaten… worst feeling in the world. Being responsible for a tiny human is so freaking nerve wrecking. Then yesterday happened! I decided to serve dinner spoon free and guess what he ate it all! Yes our hands were messy but we had a ton of fun and he ate. Have you seen the movie Christmas Story when the mother tells Randy “How do the little piggies eat?” and the boy scoffs down his mash potatoes as if he was a piggie. Yes, this is what happened. The heavens opened for me and he ate it all.

This morning he decided I am going to stand up and hold myself because it is time and guess what? He did it! He is pulling himself up and standing. Who needs crawling anyway. He is doing his own thing. When will I learn that all children are different and not one will do what the other does on a timeline. We just have to sit back and thank God everyday that I am able to witness all of his feats and that I teach him well. So if you are a mom out there that is like me (completely enthralled in developmental milestones and timelines) step back, take a deep breath and exhale. Everything is going to be ok. Everything will happen when it happens. Enjoy your moments. I know I am now. If you want to see his ability to stand CLICK HERE!

 

Baby Formula Rant!!!

So I am on to my baby’s new formula journey. All I can say is UUGH! Let’s discuss this scooper. I have made a video rant on it ! I am very displeased with this UNPACKED method. Why do we as parents have to deal with this too on our plate? Why can’t there just be a scooper that you pack and give?

Enjoy my rant? Subscribe and follow me I am sure there will be many more.

CLICK HERE TO SEE VIDEO!

 

My Breastfeeding Journey is Over.

Today marks my son’s 10 month point and on this day my nursing journey is over. How do I feel? A bit disappointed to not have made it to my year goal. A bit relieved to have my body back. A bit jealous as to why some moms get an oversupply and I did not. You name it I did it. The oatmeal, flaxseed, water, gatorade, power pumping, pumping every two hours, and so forth. We as moms we commit to do whatever it takes to give our baby the best. Overnight pumping was the worst, but nothing beats getting bit and bleeding from your already sore and exhausted nipple. Geez, why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put ourselves through clogged ducts and Mastitis. Unless you are on this personal journey with your baby and you commit fully you can’t understand the why. Such a gratification to know that your body is able to supply the nutrients needed for your baby. Every pound they gain is because of your dedication and your efforts. Why do some get more milk than others and why do some not get any at all? We will never know. I have been blessed with supplying my baby with 10 months worth and I am happy I did this journey. I am proud of my confidence to nurse in public and to be able to show people that breast feeding is NORMAL and we should not shame moms for doing so. Normalize breastfeeding stop frowning on it. Some babies (I know mine for sure) did not like the covers. How would you like to eat with a blanket over your face? Moms are already exhausted from staying up and taking care of everything and everyone, so when she is feeding her child leave her alone. Don’t make a face, don’t comment (no one asked) , stop shaming and just think of it as it is. A baby feeding. To all moms out there keep on feeding those little ones. Don’t think about what people say and feed your baby. Its 2017, I think we go through so much to also make this a problem. I support all moms nursing or not. We are Rock Stars! I am grateful to have made it 10 months! WOOHOO!!! Thank you God.

The Job of Stepmom

The first mother role I played is of stepmom. Is there anything scarier then meeting the children of your significant other? The answer no. You want to impress while remaining calm and hoping for the best. What do they think? Will they like you? Will they hate you? Will they blame you for Daddy not being home? The answer to all is to remain calm, be yourself, and just go with the flow. There are many ups and downs in the role of step parent. In my case, you play the role of mother but you don’t get the credit. The holidays come around like Christmas, Mother’s Day, birthday… and you probably won’t get any acknowledgement until they are much older and you have done your time as a role model. At the end of the day that’s what you are the role model. You still have to remain positive, caring, and supportive. You might not get a lot of support in return because you have to put in your time first. I think it took me three years before the boys even said I love you Diana. It’s hard. Being supportive with their mother is also a role to play. Caring for the children together and being a parental team has the best outcomes. The beginning is so trying. You think over and over is this what I want to deal with in my life. Do I want conflict daily with a mom that doesn’t care for me? Do I want to be involved with children that hate me all day because of what they hear? My answer was easy. I love my husband. I know he is my soul mate. I know he is my family. I knew it from our first date. I knew it would be hard, but I did not care. What ever is his life would be mine. I was determined to be the best role model to these little boys. I was in it for the long haul. Seven years in so far and my husband just found a video of one of the boys who recorded himself for a future YouTube video and he filmed me. While filming me he said “The guest of my show is Diana. There she is. She’s not important. Actually, I lie, she is very important she is in every video I will ever make. She is an important person to me”. Wow. Validation after so many years. The older one also says “I love you Diana” every time he says farewell. Their mother has accepted my support as well. Our relationship is an amicable one. If you are a new step parent and have fears or reservations please know if you put in the time, effort and love it will be reciprocated. I promise. It is not an easy journey but at the end an extra parent is more love.  I love them with all my heart and now even though they are not my DNA they are my family.

Sending you all my support.

Are We Extra Hard On Ourselves Because Of Technology?

Why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we question every single decision we make and think about the outcomes in three different scenarios? Do you do that or is it just me? Is the baby ready for peanut butter? Read three hours worth of materials on peanut butter and babies online. What are the best sunscreens for babies? Research sunscreens in depth for three days. Is this toy safe? Why isn’t my baby crawling yet? How much is my baby supposed to weigh and how do I produce more milk?  When does too much researching turn into an obsession? How did our parents do it without the internet? How did we possibly survive? Do I believe we are too hard on ourselves? Yes. Do I believe we obsess and compare ourselves to others on a daily basis? Yes. I do it all the time. Is my baby thriving as much as my friends? Let me see that video one more time. The days of technology have changed motherhood forever. We second guess ourselves all the time. We research frantically before doing anything and we read reviews on every single little item or ingredient before we move forward. With all the obsessive researching there is a plus side to technology. It has opened the doors to many moms for help. There are mommy groups of all kinds which help with venting, to nursing, to can you check the color of my baby’s poop and tell me it’s ok. Information is at the ready for you to check out all the cute clothes for your little one while you stay home and care for your precious bundle. I am sure Amazon became public because of all the moms and dads that stay at home with newborns. A nice distraction from daily duties of poopie diapers and nursing all day. Social media applications allow you to keep in touch with friends or just distract from the everyday cabin fever. How did moms do it before technology? I will never know.

If you enjoy being distracted by my blog like it and share it…. my appreciation you will get.

I Get It….

When I watched the movie “The Pursuit of Happiness” and the mother of the child decided that role and family life was not for her, which caused her to leave her husband and abandon her child I was dumbfounded. How can she do that? How can she leave her child? I could not for the life of me understand it or even fathom it. I would think to myself wow she’s a selfish bitch and beyond terrible for leaving her family. Tonight as I attempt to soothe my poor teething son for the hundred millionth time… I GET IT! I fully embrace why she left and why she pursued her happiness. You know what she was… she was freakin tired. She was exhausted and she was mentally done. There is only so much a person can do before they snap. I get it. I understand fully. Tonight as I attempt to nurse my screaming baby next to my sound asleep husband I get it. At 4:30 in the morning when my baby is so uncomfortable and I have to change him and make a bottle for him meanwhile my wonderful husband just rolls over and continues his rest; I get it. When there isn’t enough breast milk in my boob and the baby decides to bite down with full force on my nipple and now I am bleeding and in excruciating pain; I get it. I completely understand. As the tears roll down my face because as a mother you’re told you have to be the matriarch of the family. The strong one that handles all of these situations. Your job is 24 hours a day.  Every single day without rest because you can not rest. How dare you even request to rest. Your poor husband works so hard and pays all the bills he needs his rest not you. You stay home and you feed around the clock, cook, clean, and make sure everyone has taken their bath or shower, eaten their dinner, cleaned up their dishes, washed all their clothes, folded said clothes and put said clothes away for everyone without even a thank you coming your way. Oh and make sure you are developmentally stimulating your baby so that the baby can thrive and be the smartest baby out there. I get it. By the way when was the last time you showered alone and in peace for more than 6 minutes? Maybe I can condition my hair today. Cue in screaming infant and the thought of you showering is now non-existent. I get it. Take care of those mother’s/wives/matriarchs that are doing so much for you and your family because I totally get it.

To Cry It Out Or Not To Cry It Out

I read a story online about a couple who went to adopt a baby from an orphanage in Asia. When the couple walked in to the nursery they could hear a pin drop. The nursery had over 100 babies and it was so strange that the room was silent. The future mother then asked the head of the orphanage “How are all these babies so calm and quiet?” “What is your secret?” The head of the orphanage then said “The babies used to cry but now they don’t. They have become accustomed to the fact that no one is coming for them.” When I read this story I vowed to never make my son feel that no one was not coming for him. I wanted him to feel safe and make sure he always knows that momma will always be there. So now we are working on transferring him from co-sleeping to independent sleeping in his crib. Before doing so I have been following a strict routine with our little man. At 7pm we begin our bedtime routine. It consists of bath time, feeding time, story time, and quiet time. I have done this routine meticulously for the last two months. Now he is completely used to it and at 7pm becomes fussy for bedtime. I think this has made my transition to the crib easier because he knows and understands that it is bedtime. I have missed many dinners with friends and many nights of going out just to follow this routine. I feel this routine is so important and my choice between going out and doing this was easy. My baby comes first and he always will. First two weeks were not easy by any means. I began slowly and when he would cry I would take him to my room, nurse and stay with him. I did this every time he cried. I did not want him to feel abandoned and I certainly did not want him to hate being in his crib. All I could think about is that there has to be a better way then letting a baby cry. Now do not crucify me I completely understand that babies will cry and show displeasure. I am not saying that my child does not cry he most certainly does; but what I am saying is this specific situation I will not let him cry. There has to be a happy way for them to soothe themselves so that when you place them in the crib they understand it is time to sleep. I started to place him in his crib during the day naps so that he can get used to it. Then following the routine I kept placing him in the crib at night. I stayed next to the crib for the first few times. Then last night it happened. He was in what I call full party mode. I did the bedtime routine and I placed him in his crib wide awake. I took my handy baby monitor and watched from the living room. He played around for around 8 minutes then he started rubbing his eyes. He kept kicking up his legs and turning to the side and 7 more minutes pass and all of a sudden silence. I run upstairs to check and it has happened he has put himself to sleep without crying. He did it! I was overjoyed and sad at the same time. Overjoyed because I knew there was a way to accomplish this sleep training without making babies cry it out. I was sad because my little guy did not need momma’s cuddles to make him sleep anymore. It is a new journey for him and he is learning and thriving so well. I am a proud momma.

Crib Safe Bumpers

Now we are ready to transition our five month old from co-sleeping with us to his own room and crib. I wish I could co-sleep forever because I feel such a peace when he is with me but I know that transitioning him to his crib is important. It also helps the marriage in the process…wink wink…

My dilemma came when I noticed my little man would push himself next to the railing and/or go sideways and I am afraid he will bump his head on the bars. I needed a bumper for the crib, but in talking to my pediatrician I was told no bumpers allowed because SIDS can happen. WHAT! So what do I do? I asked and was told he will be fine. I immediately went online to research safe bumpers. I found some mesh ones but they wouldn’t work for me because they did not have the cushion in case he bumped his head. Then I found it. Single bar bumpers from Go Mama Go Designs. They individually wrap around the bars and give cushion without blocking the spaces between the bars and SIDS would not be a problem. They are pretty expensive, but I believe worth it for peace of mind. They come in cool designs and you can match them to your nursery without any problems. You can purchase a set of 38 or as I did buy individual 2 pack ones. My crib only has 18 bars so I did not need a whole new set. They are really well made and they fit most cribs. My crib has wide bars so I am not sure they were meant for it but I made it work. They are reversible so you can alternate colors or pick one side each time. I made a short video of my installation of these crib bumpers. They are sold everywhere… just search Go Mama Go Designs Wonder Bumpers.

To watch the video : CLICK HERE!

 

 

An Overwhelming Sadness

So now we were home and still recovering from the surgery and just learning how to be with each other. I absolutely felt overwhelmed. Trying to get everything in order and to top it off we were moving ! Talk about stress! Three days after coming home, my parents had to go back to their home state and my husband had to return to work and start traveling. I was alone. My sister was around but I did not want to burden her so much and she has her own life to attend to. I was alone with a newborn. A newborn that just started adjusting to life outside of my safe belly and is now in this environment where everything I read on the internet is harmful. AAAAHHHH! Be careful with the soft spot on his head. Watch his breathing. Make sure he is not cold. Make sure he is not overheated. Make sure his lips are not blue or discolored. Why is he crying? Has he eaten enough? What if I am not producing enough milk? Watch out for your long hair it can wrap around his toes ! OMG! Life with a newborn is incredibly stressful, but on top of it all I was lonely and still in so much post surgery pain. I cried about everything. Why couldn’t I have my mom with me the way other moms had theirs? Why wasn’t my home filled with amazing visitors and people comforting me? HELLO I HAD A BABY! Where is everyone? Two things I learned people are busy and others don’t believe in vaccines and we had made our first decision as parents that we needed visitors to have the vaccination for the whooping cough because we couldn’t bare to think of our little one going through such pain. Especially now with his lung collapse and all it was imperative. The first months of my son’s life was a super lonely, scary and emotional time. I could not stop crying! What the heck! You name it I cried through commercials, Facebook posts, whatever made me bawl! My doctor asked me a question that scared me to death… “Do you want to harm the baby?” UMMMMM NO! What kind of question is that? Now I went home and cried because the doctor thinks I want to harm my baby. I was a mess and did I mention I was alone? Newborns really don’t speak back to you and are very boring. They feed, spit up, poop and sleep. Yep that’s about it. Why am I writing this post you may ask… I want you to know that everything is going to be ok. That even though you are going through such a dark time and you feel like it is the end of the world it is not and there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Everyday that passes you become stronger and things become easier and you cry less. Five months later I am still a bit emotional but I work through it and now Mr. Landon is so interactive we have the best time together. Breathe and Breathe some more. This is where I found meditation. I close my eyes for five minutes and focus on my breathing. I took walks and found those 5-10 minutes meant the world to me. There is a ton of support for postpartum depression and I am here to tell you that the sadness ends and YOU WILL BE FINE AND YOU WILL GET THROUGH IT. But I also want to stress that if you need help please go to your doctor…. there are a lot of options for stressed out mommas. Also if you know a momma that is going through this support support support ! Show her that she is not alone. Make time for her. Bring her a meal and let her know that you are there. Show some love. Mommas of the world need it.

This Wasn’t On My Birth Plan

I had a birth plan. A beautifully well written, photo copied (to give to every nurse), extraordinary birth plan. As soon as I entered the hospital it was the first thing I showed every person that came near me. “This is my birth plan” “Please read it”. Labor started and it was the most uncomfortable feeling in the universe. I will not get into too many details because I do not want to scare you from having a child. This is not my intention. Everyone is different and every birth is different. So just think rainbows and unicorns. God help you. Long story short, I was rushed to an emergency c-section the baby’s heart was dropping and I went into shock. My baby was born with the umbilical chord wrapped around his neck once and feet twice. Talk about scary. This was the scariest most surreal moment I have ever lived through. You see emergencies on the television, but you never really believe you can live through one. Due to such a harsh labor and delivery our son was born with a few complications. He had a lung collapse, pressure on the right side of his heart and to make matters worse our blood type was incompatible. My antibodies were attacking his red blood cells and he became severe jaundiced. All I could think about is this was not in the birth plan. I was supposed to have an ok birth (I am a realist I knew it wouldn’t be pain free), but after all of that I was supposed to hold my baby and get to do skin to skin contact, along with breast feeding and latching. I was supposed to share a room with my little one and have the hospital photographer come and take these amazing pictures of us. My story was not that way at all and I found myself in excruciating recovery pain, my legs and feet were so swollen they looked painful imagine what they felt like. All you could see was me; a sleep deprived, crying my eyes out, swollen legs and feet terrible looking thing of a woman hobbling over to the NICU of the hospital and looking at my baby without being able to hold him or feed him because he had to be treated. It was the most painful eleven days of my life and this was just the beginning. So here I am a new mom with a new baby boy and nothing is the way it was supposed to be. The only thing I knew was that I was not going to leave his side. I would be there all day from the morning rounds with the doctors to the rotation of the nurses. It was an ordeal in itself and all I could do was cry and pray. And to top it off when I would go back to my room to eat I would see the visitors visiting the new moms and their newborns. I would see the photographer going to the rooms to take the amazing pictures of these new moms and their babies. I was in a very sad state, but my story has an incredible ending… Landon became stronger every single day and he became healthier and conquered all his ailments. The only thing left to conquer was to have his heart checked at his four month mark to check if it had completely healed as well. I am glad and grateful to say that YES at our four month cardiologist visit she confirmed that Landon was completely recovered. He was a healthy baby boy. Over 49.5 hours of excruciating labor along with over 216 hours of Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, and another 3 1/2 months of worrying whether his heart was going to be ok and now finally I have a healthy baby boy. I could care less about the photographer or how amazing things were supposed to be because God gave me a healthy baby boy! So when you are writing your most beautiful birth plan and print it out and make the copies just know that not everything will happen that way and there is a chance nothing on it will be followed. And be ok with that because at the end the health of you and your baby is what is the most important. I will now try to give this little guy the best life he can have. I will always give him my best and my all. So our story has begun and this blog will be all about our journey together. From breastfeeding to toys and all of the in between. Thank you for following our story and if you like what you see … SUBSCRIBE <3.